Consequently, the rights and dignity of women have continuously been trampled upon and abused uncountable times by men. The constant need that women feel to advertise themselves, truthfully or wrongfully to men has remained the norm for a great majority of women, who struggle often to please the man with utterances such as “I know how to cook” or “I will never leave my man if he hits me or cheats on me”.
The ancient and current world views in our society have led a great percentage of the female sex to think that lowering their standards and eliminating their fundamental morals as a human being for the sake of the man, is the only way to survive in a world ruled by patriarchy.
The female liberation movement or feminism is, indeed, irritable to a misogynist who perceives the idea of marriage to be both physical and emotional slavery for women. Ideally, marriage should be a support unit for partners. It should have no disregard for the feelings of each party. A woman is filled with worries about an entire gender and a system that aids her oppression. Feminists are often painted as aggressive towards men, but their aggression is anchored on soul wrenching experiences that have been trailing the relationship between men and women. The tone of one feminist that one may not necessarily agree with, should not entirely dismiss women’s right. It is important to note that men hating women and women hating men have different effects. Therefore, feminists should not be seen as a misnomer.
In Africa, the dominant view is that marriage is a yardstick for measuring the level of success a woman can attain. In this regard, the idea is that a woman without a man is worthless. Many, therefore see so many things wrong with a woman choosing to be single. A woman is called problematic when she refuses to fall under a system that chooses to repress and undermine her abilities. The reality is that a large number of women have unconsciously carried up this mentality and misogynist way of reasoning, which has promoted the patriarchal movement in young children and has led to the sayings of “Oh! But that is a woman’s duty or responsibility”.
The responsibility of having a successful marriage is heavily placed on the woman and not the man. Boys are taught to pursue their dreams while girls are taught that there is a specific look and behaviour to be worn in order to get married. These boys grow up into men who lack the style of showing love properly, while the women grow up to see marriage as the greatest call in life, forgetting their dreams and forfeiting to the man and family in totality. The patriarchal system has defined the roles of the woman and man in a marriage. The father is to assume the secondary position of raising the child, whereas the mother assumes the role of the active parent in the child’s life. She ensures the mental, psychological and emotional growth of both child and husband.
A parents’ mind set and sacrifices while bringing up a daughter should be greater than just to satisfy a man and give her out for marriage. Society has chosen to limit a woman’s value and significance to the idea of marriage, her ability to totally submit to a man and ability to bear children. Strong women have gracefully shown that dreams can be had and accomplished. For instance, women like my mother, Senator Grace Bent decided to break the glass ceiling of the system to follow her dreams and subsequently, she became the first female senator from Adamawa state and the North-east geo political zone. Also, men like my father, Chief Jackson Bent, who did not feel emasculated by the strength of his wife, despite his military background. He neither felt that his masculinity was threatened nor was he ever intimidated by the strong virtues of his wife. He supported her wholeheartedly and without hesitation in all ramifications of life.
Sayings from misogynist, which are often exclaimed to support their brutality towards women – which is learnt and not of nature, is that “it is the way we are built, and that men are not affectionate beings”. Consequently, women are told to stay with their husbands even after being physically and emotionally abused, and when they do decide to leave, they are shamed for not being “woman enough”. A woman is not created to suffer nor is a man. A man is capable of having emotions, however it is usually not expected of them, hence they suppress their feelings for a long time and expect the woman to fill in the gaps. Frequently, the burden of changing and fixing men’s character falls on women too! This norm has stood the test of time because and has been reinforced by men in powerful positions because it favours mainly the male gender – often seen as the superior.
Men are said to be logical and rational beings, nonetheless, the are quick to justify rape and blame women for their infidelity. They defend rapists and kidnappers because they refuse to relate and identify with women as humans. Study shows that men have the higher percentage of the overall gender employed in Nigeria than women with a whopping 27.7% difference. A woman succeeding and accomplishing her dreams does not diminish the greatness of a man. Her ability to dream and shoot for the highest stars should not be seen as a threat to a man’s existence.
Women are also believed to be the driving factors of domestic violence. A man takes the life of a woman and she is at fault because she uttered disrespectful or abusive words. Women are told to study the behaviour of men to prevent themselves from getting battered, killed or raped. It has become acceptable for a man to control his spouse’s behaviour through acts of violence. A national demographic and health survey performed by Unicef in 2008 shows a high proportion of women and men who justified wife battering, and this has created a social stigma towards reporting such cases. The survey also shows that women with no education or with primary education being more likely to justify wife beating than women with more than a secondary education.
A great percentage of misogynists may still decide not to understand the views of an oppressed woman and say that large words are being used to merely describe a problem that does not exist. However, it only proves the point that men make a mindful decision to fail to recognise the issues in the society due to their fragile ego problem. It is most beneficial to society as a whole for misogynists to truthfully decide to banish their concepts of subduing women.
The willingness to want to be educated and teach others is the start for understanding, empathy and gender inclusivity. To realize that a woman who acknowledges that she deserves to be treated better does not call for insults or rants, but should rather call for dialogue and acknowledgement of the faults found in patriarchy.
Togetherness of both sexes is the greatness weapon that could be used to drive away hate, sorrow and corruption amongst the populace. It is time to secure the futures of children, grand-children, great grand-children and more to come through attempts to lower cultural discrimination against women, most especially in Africa. Inclusiveness is the only way to open the gates of freedom in the Nigerian society.
A must read, a teenager’s intellectual perspective on Partriachy.
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